Ode to Mass Transit

23, 125, 128 - Which bus goes to where I am headed? Where I am headed? How can I read the online metro map if I don't even know where I am going or where I am coming from..hmm, this posed a problem.

The thought of traveling to work every day on a bus sounded so.... chic urban idealistic. I won't ever have to put gas in my car, will get more exercise walking to and from the bus stop, will make tons of friends on the bus, can work on the bus, will have time to catch up with friends via phone or text - and maybe catch a good read. This will be gggreatttt... Yay, I love Seattle.

Day 1 on the bus: I eagerly got on the bus with my friend Nicole. We were headed downtown for a big night out. I dragged her along with me for my trial run to help ease my anxiety. After realizing that bus schedules only showed major stops and that no, I didn't have to walk 12 blocks to get on a bus (they stop every couple of blocks), we made it down the hill to the bus stop. Standing there waiting for the bus felt like an adventure. I know that sounds extremely lame - but coming from the South, mass transit is not typically a feasible option.

We got on the bus and I smiled and said hello to the driver. I handed him $3 to cover Nic and I's fee and he just looked at me. No comment, no discussion...just stared. I had no idea why he wasn't taking my money. Lesson #1: Bus drivers aren't allowed to take your money. Lesson #2: They deal with some rough people, so some of them will never, ever crack a smile. Lesson #3: I ain't in North Cackolacky anymore.

Day 2: So my friend flew back to Raleigh and I was on my own. I put on my dress shoes for work (aka heels) and headed down the hill. I then realized that you can't walk down the hill in heels - so it was more of a scramble. I got to the bus super early so I spent the next few minutes texting everyone under the sun to say "Wassup". The ride was pretty uneventful, but on the ride home I tried to put money into the money taker and there was a big sign in the way - Apparently I was in the "ride free zone" and you only pay when you "exit" the bus - geez - so many rules! I then proceeded to call my friends and gab away about how my first day at work was. Lesson #4: No cell phones on the bus (preferred). (Also, no food/drinks, loud music, etc.) Bus time is for "quiet time." I felt like I was back in Kindergarten trying to fall sleep on my hard, red plastic mat. After hearing talky mctalkerson a few aisles over loudly talk about her unfortunate doctor's visit - I began to understand why. I then proceeded to get blisters and broke out in a sweat trying to make it up that huge hill in heels. Lesson #5: No heels in Seattle unless you are rich and want to pay $15 for parking downtown every day.

So I did end up making a friend eventually. Her main advice "Avoid walking down 3rd avenue if you don't want to get stalked by junkies." Advice that I hold close to my heart to this day. Oh yes, and the, "This bridge we are on shifted during the last earthquake and is one of the most vulnerable bridges in the country."

So time passed on... I was now used to sitting next to all kinds of people: drug store perfume lady, hippie that hadn't showered in weeks, gangbuster with one sock on, spiky hair teen that kept poking me in the face with her hot-pink hawkeyes, but one day... I thought I may have had enough. This guy sits down next to me and out of the blue starts cursing - emphatically. "Shit, fuck, god damn it ...you BITCH." I looked around wondering who could he be talking to..He wasn't on the phone, he wasn't sitting near anyone else. So - I thought he may have had Turrets. I was thinking - wow, I really am getting to see some crazy action on this bus. He was turned away from me, but I swore he was talking about me. Finally, after hearing his outbursts for 15 minutes (and meekly staring out the window pretending not to hear him), he got up to leave... Ah, then I saw it -he had an itsy, bitsy, tiny bluetooth earpiece in - HA - He was on the phone - and here I was excited to tell everyone about the Turrets man sitting next to me on the bus...damn, there goes another funny story. I am retarded.

Other sightings on the bus have included seeing a guy thrown up on a cop car surrounded by FBI agents and City of Seattle cops; having 4-5 detectives jump on the bus looking frantically for some criminal and talking on their walkie talkies, and seeing a really sticky seat that nobody dared to sit in - didn't ask. But the best by far was the tourists that missed the last downtown stop and had to ride all the way around the County..haha, tourists.

It took me at least 5 times riding the bus to figure out where my return stop was. I kept getting off one block before or one block after - there were no distinguishing features at my stop. So like driving and getting lost on the 5 highways by my house, I had to walk extra blocks before I made it home. But I got more advice from my new friend "look for the big out of place house that doesn't fit in the neighborhood." Sure enough, I didn't miss my stop again..yet.

So - it's always a fun experience riding the bus. I am even more excited now that school is in and the kids are riding along with me "really excited" (kids can choose any school in the County to attend as long as they can get there.) My feet are happy that I now wear flats, I feel comfortable running down the hill 3 minutes till, and I know which bus stop to get off at - I am learning, but it takes time. I also love it when I can't find my pass, am running late, and miss my bus... oh well - 20 minutes isn't too long to wait. Lesson #6: If you have a meeting, just drive...

That's it for now - stay tuned for more bus adventures.