The Feminine Mystique (yep, stolen)

Jessica asked me to write down my views on feminism in the 21st century for her women's studies class. Yep, nothing to do with Seattle, but thought I would share my views here. I sound a bit anti- but it is 1 a.m. in the morning and I am sleepy.


Feminism.
fem·i·nism [fem-uh-niz-uhm]
-noun
1.
the doctrine advocating social, political, and all other rights of women equal to those of men.
2.
(sometimes initial capital letter) an organized movement for the attainment of such rights for women.
3.
feminine character.

What does feminism mean to me in the 21st century? My stream of consciousness view.

Feminism has changed throughout history and my view of its meaning has changed throughout my lifetime.

I think that my first experience with feminism was as a young girl when my father left my mother. To see the strength that my mother encompassed being on her own - the strength that I had only seen in men until that point. Being able to experience that strength while feeling nurtured and loved was admirable even as a small child.

The idea of feminism as a movement didn't come up for discussion until college. I took a gender and communications class where we analyzed how gender frames our beliefs, behaviors, and in turn, reactions. My professor focused on how women dealt with society and handled themselves better in certain situations. This is when I began to become an anti-feminist. I felt that feminism was like affirmative action - not relevant in my generation. I also felt that the preaching of the feminist movement in this manner supported the glass ceiling instead of breaking down barriers.

It wasn't until I entered the engineering field that I realized how profoundly different communication and management styles are between men and women. I noticed the differences in how men and women approached problem-solving and decision-making during my previous relationships, but not to that degree. When women are aggressive, they are perceived as bitchy and when men are aggressive, they get promoted. At least that is what women like to say when they aren't moving up the corporate ladder. I do see some truth to this, but I like to maintain the belief that if you work hard, you will find success. Maybe that is a bit naive, but I feel that optimism should be cherished, not destroyed.

As I entered into a relationship that would potentially end in marriage during my mid-20s, women of earlier generations would provide advice such as, "The art of being in a relationship is being able to persuade a man without his knowledge - it is to wear the pants in the relationship while coming across as though the man provides you with something that you can't provide yourself" and even better, "You should always marry a man that loves you more than you love him." To me, this persuasion is just another form of manipulation. At first I thought, if I am in control, I at least want credit for my successes. This, I realize, is why I am probably still not married (never felt like the right path). This strength and outspokenness and unwavering of opinion - and the belief that I didn't need a man (or anyone, which is such bullshit) - led me to end my serious relationships before they entered into matrimony (or they ended me - always takes two). It also caused me to hurt people along the way as panic causes you to act in ways that aren't very becoming. You tend to not be yourself when you are uncomfortable with the direction in which you are heading in or realize that you aren't in the mindset to give it your all...this has taken me a while to figure out about myself. I am digressing - back to feminism.

I have been frustrated throughout the years with women that do everything in their relationships. They are the planner, the mother, the housewife, the seductress, the executive - how can they handle it all - prescription pills, trips to the psychologist, vodka? It is especially frustrating when their husband (in conventional relationships) doesn't assist in these efforts or seem thankful for having such an amazing person to share their life with. I think this is slowly changing. I have met more couples where the woman is the breadwinner and the husband is the stay at home father. (Add: As my glorious friend points out - Any one who thinks that once you have communicated roles and needs the conversation is over, in my opinion, is WRONG! Communication is a process as dynamic as the people who desperately need to participate in it. Who wants to be stuck living the values of their teens, early twenties once they are 30? Is it not our goal, not only as women but as humans, to grow and evolve? )

In addition, more and more companies are providing benefits for working mothers, such as childcare, flexible hours, and expanded healthcare. But this doesn't fix the problem with expectations, but that goes into a whole other discussion. In addition, more women are becoming high level executives and are working in the full-spectrum of professions. I work in an all-women owned company that prides itself on supporting the role of feminism in America, but they don't provide any paid maternity leave. I am at odds.

This brings me to the current election. While I am proud to see that a woman ran for president and now a woman is running for vice president, I tend to feel that their message regarding "breaking the glass ceiling" is unnecessary during this day and age and that they are where they are because they are intelligent hard-working people. I don't think that we need to keep focusing on breaking new ground and the verbal notion that all women need to stick together. I do think that support from women is integral to leading healthy lives, but it is in the celebration of womanhood where we can share our hopes and dreams - not by making it to the top and Again! acknowledging the same old glass ceiling. Let's get over it already.

Don't get me wrong, I am very thankful for Rosie the Riveter, Joan of Arc, The Feminine Mystique, the entire 60s and 70s and all the other women activists and movements, that have made it easier for me to say that in this day and life as a woman, I feel like I have an active role in how I succeed. I don't feel like men are holding me back. By choice, I don't work with people that still hold the belief that women are inferior. Or even associate with them for that matter. But because of all of the amazing women that have graced us, amazed us, praised us and made us, I have that choice.


I bet you thought that you would be reading about a woman's right to choose, Roe vs. Wade, oppression, suffrage, etc., etc., (I could go on and on) but to be honest, I don't think any of those things have personally affected me in my generation except for laying the foundation for my survival, for which I will forever be grateful. - Yes, that is something if not everything.

peace.