Jessica asked me to write down my views on feminism in the 21st century for her women's studies class. Yep, nothing to do with Seattle, but thought I would share my views here. I sound a bit anti- but it is 1 a.m. in the morning and I am sleepy.
Feminism.
fem·i·nism [fem-uh-niz-uhm]
-noun
1.
the doctrine advocating social, political, and all other rights of women equal to those of men.
2.
(sometimes initial capital letter) an organized movement for the attainment of such rights for women.
3.
feminine character.
What does feminism mean to me in the 21st century? My stream of consciousness view.
Feminism has changed throughout history and my view of its meaning has changed throughout my lifetime.
I think that my first experience with feminism was as a young girl when my father left my mother. To see the strength that my mother encompassed being on her own - the strength that I had only seen in men until that point. Being able to experience that strength while feeling nurtured and loved was admirable even as a small child.
The idea of feminism as a movement didn't come up for discussion until college. I took a gender and communications class where we analyzed how gender frames our beliefs, behaviors, and in turn, reactions. My professor focused on how women dealt with society and handled themselves better in certain situations. This is when I began to become an anti-feminist. I felt that feminism was like affirmative action - not relevant in my generation. I also felt that the preaching of the feminist movement in this manner supported the glass ceiling instead of breaking down barriers.
It wasn't until I entered the engineering field that I realized how profoundly different communication and management styles are between men and women. I noticed the differences in how men and women approached problem-solving and decision-making during my previous relationships, but not to that degree. When women are aggressive, they are perceived as bitchy and when men are aggressive, they get promoted. At least that is what women like to say when they aren't moving up the corporate ladder. I do see some truth to this, but I like to maintain the belief that if you work hard, you will find success. Maybe that is a bit naive, but I feel that optimism should be cherished, not destroyed.
As I entered into a relationship that would potentially end in marriage during my mid-20s, women of earlier generations would provide advice such as, "The art of being in a relationship is being able to persuade a man without his knowledge - it is to wear the pants in the relationship while coming across as though the man provides you with something that you can't provide yourself" and even better, "You should always marry a man that loves you more than you love him." To me, this persuasion is just another form of manipulation. At first I thought, if I am in control, I at least want credit for my successes. This, I realize, is why I am probably still not married (never felt like the right path). This strength and outspokenness and unwavering of opinion - and the belief that I didn't need a man (or anyone, which is such bullshit) - led me to end my serious relationships before they entered into matrimony (or they ended me - always takes two). It also caused me to hurt people along the way as panic causes you to act in ways that aren't very becoming. You tend to not be yourself when you are uncomfortable with the direction in which you are heading in or realize that you aren't in the mindset to give it your all...this has taken me a while to figure out about myself. I am digressing - back to feminism.
I have been frustrated throughout the years with women that do everything in their relationships. They are the planner, the mother, the housewife, the seductress, the executive - how can they handle it all - prescription pills, trips to the psychologist, vodka? It is especially frustrating when their husband (in conventional relationships) doesn't assist in these efforts or seem thankful for having such an amazing person to share their life with. I think this is slowly changing. I have met more couples where the woman is the breadwinner and the husband is the stay at home father. (Add: As my glorious friend points out - Any one who thinks that once you have communicated roles and needs the conversation is over, in my opinion, is WRONG! Communication is a process as dynamic as the people who desperately need to participate in it. Who wants to be stuck living the values of their teens, early twenties once they are 30? Is it not our goal, not only as women but as humans, to grow and evolve? )
In addition, more and more companies are providing benefits for working mothers, such as childcare, flexible hours, and expanded healthcare. But this doesn't fix the problem with expectations, but that goes into a whole other discussion. In addition, more women are becoming high level executives and are working in the full-spectrum of professions. I work in an all-women owned company that prides itself on supporting the role of feminism in America, but they don't provide any paid maternity leave. I am at odds.
This brings me to the current election. While I am proud to see that a woman ran for president and now a woman is running for vice president, I tend to feel that their message regarding "breaking the glass ceiling" is unnecessary during this day and age and that they are where they are because they are intelligent hard-working people. I don't think that we need to keep focusing on breaking new ground and the verbal notion that all women need to stick together. I do think that support from women is integral to leading healthy lives, but it is in the celebration of womanhood where we can share our hopes and dreams - not by making it to the top and Again! acknowledging the same old glass ceiling. Let's get over it already.
Don't get me wrong, I am very thankful for Rosie the Riveter, Joan of Arc, The Feminine Mystique, the entire 60s and 70s and all the other women activists and movements, that have made it easier for me to say that in this day and life as a woman, I feel like I have an active role in how I succeed. I don't feel like men are holding me back. By choice, I don't work with people that still hold the belief that women are inferior. Or even associate with them for that matter. But because of all of the amazing women that have graced us, amazed us, praised us and made us, I have that choice.
I bet you thought that you would be reading about a woman's right to choose, Roe vs. Wade, oppression, suffrage, etc., etc., (I could go on and on) but to be honest, I don't think any of those things have personally affected me in my generation except for laying the foundation for my survival, for which I will forever be grateful. - Yes, that is something if not everything.
peace.
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Thursday, September 4, 2008
Ode to Mass Transit
23, 125, 128 - Which bus goes to where I am headed? Where I am headed? How can I read the online metro map if I don't even know where I am going or where I am coming from..hmm, this posed a problem.
The thought of traveling to work every day on a bus sounded so.... chic urban idealistic. I won't ever have to put gas in my car, will get more exercise walking to and from the bus stop, will make tons of friends on the bus, can work on the bus, will have time to catch up with friends via phone or text - and maybe catch a good read. This will be gggreatttt... Yay, I love Seattle.
Day 1 on the bus: I eagerly got on the bus with my friend Nicole. We were headed downtown for a big night out. I dragged her along with me for my trial run to help ease my anxiety. After realizing that bus schedules only showed major stops and that no, I didn't have to walk 12 blocks to get on a bus (they stop every couple of blocks), we made it down the hill to the bus stop. Standing there waiting for the bus felt like an adventure. I know that sounds extremely lame - but coming from the South, mass transit is not typically a feasible option.
We got on the bus and I smiled and said hello to the driver. I handed him $3 to cover Nic and I's fee and he just looked at me. No comment, no discussion...just stared. I had no idea why he wasn't taking my money. Lesson #1: Bus drivers aren't allowed to take your money. Lesson #2: They deal with some rough people, so some of them will never, ever crack a smile. Lesson #3: I ain't in North Cackolacky anymore.
Day 2: So my friend flew back to Raleigh and I was on my own. I put on my dress shoes for work (aka heels) and headed down the hill. I then realized that you can't walk down the hill in heels - so it was more of a scramble. I got to the bus super early so I spent the next few minutes texting everyone under the sun to say "Wassup". The ride was pretty uneventful, but on the ride home I tried to put money into the money taker and there was a big sign in the way - Apparently I was in the "ride free zone" and you only pay when you "exit" the bus - geez - so many rules! I then proceeded to call my friends and gab away about how my first day at work was. Lesson #4: No cell phones on the bus (preferred). (Also, no food/drinks, loud music, etc.) Bus time is for "quiet time." I felt like I was back in Kindergarten trying to fall sleep on my hard, red plastic mat. After hearing talky mctalkerson a few aisles over loudly talk about her unfortunate doctor's visit - I began to understand why. I then proceeded to get blisters and broke out in a sweat trying to make it up that huge hill in heels. Lesson #5: No heels in Seattle unless you are rich and want to pay $15 for parking downtown every day.
So I did end up making a friend eventually. Her main advice "Avoid walking down 3rd avenue if you don't want to get stalked by junkies." Advice that I hold close to my heart to this day. Oh yes, and the, "This bridge we are on shifted during the last earthquake and is one of the most vulnerable bridges in the country."
So time passed on... I was now used to sitting next to all kinds of people: drug store perfume lady, hippie that hadn't showered in weeks, gangbuster with one sock on, spiky hair teen that kept poking me in the face with her hot-pink hawkeyes, but one day... I thought I may have had enough. This guy sits down next to me and out of the blue starts cursing - emphatically. "Shit, fuck, god damn it ...you BITCH." I looked around wondering who could he be talking to..He wasn't on the phone, he wasn't sitting near anyone else. So - I thought he may have had Turrets. I was thinking - wow, I really am getting to see some crazy action on this bus. He was turned away from me, but I swore he was talking about me. Finally, after hearing his outbursts for 15 minutes (and meekly staring out the window pretending not to hear him), he got up to leave... Ah, then I saw it -he had an itsy, bitsy, tiny bluetooth earpiece in - HA - He was on the phone - and here I was excited to tell everyone about the Turrets man sitting next to me on the bus...damn, there goes another funny story. I am retarded.
Other sightings on the bus have included seeing a guy thrown up on a cop car surrounded by FBI agents and City of Seattle cops; having 4-5 detectives jump on the bus looking frantically for some criminal and talking on their walkie talkies, and seeing a really sticky seat that nobody dared to sit in - didn't ask. But the best by far was the tourists that missed the last downtown stop and had to ride all the way around the County..haha, tourists.
It took me at least 5 times riding the bus to figure out where my return stop was. I kept getting off one block before or one block after - there were no distinguishing features at my stop. So like driving and getting lost on the 5 highways by my house, I had to walk extra blocks before I made it home. But I got more advice from my new friend "look for the big out of place house that doesn't fit in the neighborhood." Sure enough, I didn't miss my stop again..yet.
So - it's always a fun experience riding the bus. I am even more excited now that school is in and the kids are riding along with me "really excited" (kids can choose any school in the County to attend as long as they can get there.) My feet are happy that I now wear flats, I feel comfortable running down the hill 3 minutes till, and I know which bus stop to get off at - I am learning, but it takes time. I also love it when I can't find my pass, am running late, and miss my bus... oh well - 20 minutes isn't too long to wait. Lesson #6: If you have a meeting, just drive...
That's it for now - stay tuned for more bus adventures.
The thought of traveling to work every day on a bus sounded so.... chic urban idealistic. I won't ever have to put gas in my car, will get more exercise walking to and from the bus stop, will make tons of friends on the bus, can work on the bus, will have time to catch up with friends via phone or text - and maybe catch a good read. This will be gggreatttt... Yay, I love Seattle.
Day 1 on the bus: I eagerly got on the bus with my friend Nicole. We were headed downtown for a big night out. I dragged her along with me for my trial run to help ease my anxiety. After realizing that bus schedules only showed major stops and that no, I didn't have to walk 12 blocks to get on a bus (they stop every couple of blocks), we made it down the hill to the bus stop. Standing there waiting for the bus felt like an adventure. I know that sounds extremely lame - but coming from the South, mass transit is not typically a feasible option.
We got on the bus and I smiled and said hello to the driver. I handed him $3 to cover Nic and I's fee and he just looked at me. No comment, no discussion...just stared. I had no idea why he wasn't taking my money. Lesson #1: Bus drivers aren't allowed to take your money. Lesson #2: They deal with some rough people, so some of them will never, ever crack a smile. Lesson #3: I ain't in North Cackolacky anymore.
Day 2: So my friend flew back to Raleigh and I was on my own. I put on my dress shoes for work (aka heels) and headed down the hill. I then realized that you can't walk down the hill in heels - so it was more of a scramble. I got to the bus super early so I spent the next few minutes texting everyone under the sun to say "Wassup". The ride was pretty uneventful, but on the ride home I tried to put money into the money taker and there was a big sign in the way - Apparently I was in the "ride free zone" and you only pay when you "exit" the bus - geez - so many rules! I then proceeded to call my friends and gab away about how my first day at work was. Lesson #4: No cell phones on the bus (preferred). (Also, no food/drinks, loud music, etc.) Bus time is for "quiet time." I felt like I was back in Kindergarten trying to fall sleep on my hard, red plastic mat. After hearing talky mctalkerson a few aisles over loudly talk about her unfortunate doctor's visit - I began to understand why. I then proceeded to get blisters and broke out in a sweat trying to make it up that huge hill in heels. Lesson #5: No heels in Seattle unless you are rich and want to pay $15 for parking downtown every day.
So I did end up making a friend eventually. Her main advice "Avoid walking down 3rd avenue if you don't want to get stalked by junkies." Advice that I hold close to my heart to this day. Oh yes, and the, "This bridge we are on shifted during the last earthquake and is one of the most vulnerable bridges in the country."
So time passed on... I was now used to sitting next to all kinds of people: drug store perfume lady, hippie that hadn't showered in weeks, gangbuster with one sock on, spiky hair teen that kept poking me in the face with her hot-pink hawkeyes, but one day... I thought I may have had enough. This guy sits down next to me and out of the blue starts cursing - emphatically. "Shit, fuck, god damn it ...you BITCH." I looked around wondering who could he be talking to..He wasn't on the phone, he wasn't sitting near anyone else. So - I thought he may have had Turrets. I was thinking - wow, I really am getting to see some crazy action on this bus. He was turned away from me, but I swore he was talking about me. Finally, after hearing his outbursts for 15 minutes (and meekly staring out the window pretending not to hear him), he got up to leave... Ah, then I saw it -he had an itsy, bitsy, tiny bluetooth earpiece in - HA - He was on the phone - and here I was excited to tell everyone about the Turrets man sitting next to me on the bus...damn, there goes another funny story. I am retarded.
Other sightings on the bus have included seeing a guy thrown up on a cop car surrounded by FBI agents and City of Seattle cops; having 4-5 detectives jump on the bus looking frantically for some criminal and talking on their walkie talkies, and seeing a really sticky seat that nobody dared to sit in - didn't ask. But the best by far was the tourists that missed the last downtown stop and had to ride all the way around the County..haha, tourists.
It took me at least 5 times riding the bus to figure out where my return stop was. I kept getting off one block before or one block after - there were no distinguishing features at my stop. So like driving and getting lost on the 5 highways by my house, I had to walk extra blocks before I made it home. But I got more advice from my new friend "look for the big out of place house that doesn't fit in the neighborhood." Sure enough, I didn't miss my stop again..yet.
So - it's always a fun experience riding the bus. I am even more excited now that school is in and the kids are riding along with me "really excited" (kids can choose any school in the County to attend as long as they can get there.) My feet are happy that I now wear flats, I feel comfortable running down the hill 3 minutes till, and I know which bus stop to get off at - I am learning, but it takes time. I also love it when I can't find my pass, am running late, and miss my bus... oh well - 20 minutes isn't too long to wait. Lesson #6: If you have a meeting, just drive...
That's it for now - stay tuned for more bus adventures.
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